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Guidelines & Legalese

FetLife's guidelines, privacy policy, legal info, etc.

Orientation Shaming

FetLife is meant to be a welcoming place for all members of the community, no matter how you identify.

We take pride in FetLife being a beautifully diverse community where people of all orientations feel comfortable being who they are.

Hateful conduct towards people based on their sexual orientation does not create a warm and welcoming environment on FetLife and is not permitted.

What is in violation of this policy?

Examples include, but are not limited to:

  • Referring to someone as a groomer solely because of their sexual orientation
  • Equating LGBTQIA+ to pedophilia (e.g. saying the + stands for pedophilia)
  • Referring to someone's sexual orientation as a mental illness or disorder
  • Attacking someone's sexual orientation by calling them it, thing, freak, etc.
  • Stating a member shouldn't be a parent solely because of their sexual orientation

Groomer: someone who forms a relationship with a child or young person with the intention of sexually assaulting them

What is not in violation of this policy?

Examples include:

  • Discussing potential issues related to sexual orientations
  • Intellectual discussions (e.g. topics in the media, research studies)
  • Restricting participation in events and groups to specific orientations
  • Expressing partner preferences
  • Stating that being gay is a sin
  • Stating that you do not respect people because of their orientation
  • Stating that you do not like a subset of people of a specific orientation (e.g. gay people who dress like clowns, straight people with no sense of style)

IMPORTANT: As long as the above is not being used to attack.

How do I report a potential violation of this guideline?

You can report potential Orientation Shaming as follows:

  1. Visit the page with the potentially offensive material
  2. Select "...", “more”, or “options”, then select “Report”
  3. Select "Hate Speech"
  4. Select "Next"
  5. Add any additional information that you think is important
  6. Select "Report"

For more information, you can refer to Submitting a Report.

Who can report a potential violation of this guideline?

Anyone who comes across content they believe might fall under this guideline.

What happens if someone violates this guideline?

If someone uses orientation shaming to directly attack another member, they get an instant three-day timeout.

For each subsequent violation, the person's time-out increases in length, up to a maximum of a one-month timeout. They also risk losing their account permanently.

If someone shares potential orientation shaming on their own profile, the content is locked private.

We do this so that we can drastically limit the reach of potentially harmful content while still allowing members to make an informed decision about who they engage with.

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