FetLife

BDSM & fetish community
for kinksters by kinksters.

/help/

How can I protect myself on FetLife?

How do I block another Member? (direct link)

Blocking another member is easy.   There are two ways to do it.
 

  1. Go to their profile.  On the upper right side below the “Message Kinkster” and “Add to My Friends” rectangles, you will see two links - “report user” and “block user”.  Click on “block user”, and through the wonders of artificial intelligence, they’re blocked!  To unblock them, click on the “unblock user” link.
  2. If you are in a Private Message (PM) discussion with the person, on the right hand side of the screen there is a "Block user" link.  You can click on it there to block the member.  To unblock them, you have to go to their main profile as in 1.
What does a block do? (direct link)

When you block a member, they won't be able to see any part of your profile.   John has been trying to make this feature for mothers-in-law but no luck so far :-)

Blocks also changes any past interchanges between you and the other person.  That means it archives any private messages.  It deletes any wall posts, etc.  If you were friends, the block eliminates that.  It eliminates any relationship statuses between the two of you.

Blocks won’t prevent people seeing your comments in groups, other people's walls, pictures, writings, etc.  It only just blocks the items on your profile.   

If the blocked person makes an alternate profile to contact you around that block, that’s called a “sock puppet”.  Notify the FetLife Caretakers, and they’ll investigate.  If discovered, the sock puppet is deleted and the member warned.

What can I do if someone is following me everywhere in FetLife (Restraining Order)? (direct link)

If you've blocked someone, but they seemingly follow you into groups, respond always after you do, etc., it might be time to request a FetLife Restraining Order (ROs). ROs are a two-way street (because hey, relationships are two-ways streets, right?). Each person in an RO is requested, from that point on, to cease speaking of (directly or indirectly), to, or about one another in the public areas of FetLife. In effect, we ask that each person pretty much 'pretend' that the other person does not exist on the site.

We will also request that each person remove any other posts on FetLife about one another. If we come across any ourselves, we will remove them without notification or a warning (if they are from the past), and WITH notification and a warning (if they are from this point forward).

If this FetLife Restraining Order is violated in any shape or form, or if either person tries to circumvent it, a warning will be issued.  If the behavior continues, someone may be removed and banned from the site. We really hate to do that, but we hope that by creating this restraining order, everybody can get back to enjoying FetLife - which is the real reason we’re all here! (Well, that and to perv on those pics, videos, etc....)

What’s a FetLife Warning? (direct link)

We’re glad you asked - because that must mean you don’t have any yet, right?  When someone violates FetLife rules, we usually will issue a FetLife warning.  We are kind of naive, and actually believe that there is good in all of us.  We really hope and believe that by giving people three chances (like strikes in baseball), that most will become good solid Fetizens.  You know, the type that remember to turn over that 1% of their action to us...

Sadly, some do not.  That’s when we move to the next questions...

What’s a “Time-Out”? (direct link)

Sometimes, a FetLife member just seems to be caught up in the rush of emotions that can sometimes result because of living on Internet time. When we feel it is warranted, we may place a member on "Time Out". Essentially, what we're asking a member to do is to step back and re-evaluate what is going on, because often our only other option is to delete their profile and ban them from the site. During a Time Out, a member is not allowed to do anything other than private messages on FetLife. Basically anything that would show on your activity feed (including editing your profile), or the creation or use of alternate accounts to get around the time out, is prohibited.

What’s a FetLife Ban? (direct link)

When warnings, Restraining Orders, and Time-Outs don't work, we sadly have to consider banning a member from the site.  Even here, we try for a measured approach.  We'll ban someone from FetLife for a period of time.  If they violate the ban, we may opt to extend it, and at times make it permanent.

Why won't you ban their IP? (direct link)
We get this question a lot in reference to other members behaving badly.  Sadly, blocking an IP address doesn't work. It is a common Internet myth, based back on the days when people had static IP addresses. Almost everyone today has a dynamic IP address. Each time you connect to your local Internet Service Provider, you will usually get a new IP address. For example, when describing this to one member, during the 6 months they had been on FetLife, they had used over 850 IP addresses!  And over three-fourths of those IP addresses have been also used by other FetLife members at some time, most of them by over 20 other FetLife members.  
I'm scared for my life - in real life! (direct link)
### ***CALL THE COPS!***

If you have a real life stalker, an abusive ex, a crazy person who decided that your online disagreements require physical confrontation, call the police now, not later!  Don't worry about FetLife being "outted" - we work with law enforcement around the globe on a frequent basis.  If there is stuff happening on FetLife that relates to that, tell them, and have them contact us at support@fetlife.com.  We know, law enforcement is not the same all over, and what works great in one place may not do so well the next jurisdiction over - but that *is* what they are there for - you know, the whole "Protect and Serve" thing!

Seriously - our reach extends as far as this system.  A few kinksters scattered around the globe can do wonders when it comes to an online social network, but we can't replace the role of the police and legal system.  If the other person is vandalizing your car, causing a scene at your munch, stalking you at work, etc., you need physical, on-the-ground support!
Who have I blocked? (direct link)

Want to review the profiles that you’ve blocked?

  1. Go to “Update Settings”, located in the drop down box under your profile name at the top right of your screen. 
  2. Click on the tab “Blocked List”.

You’ll see all the profiles you've currently blocked from your profile on FetLife.

How do I unblock someone? (direct link)

Making up is hard to do - but unblocking them is easy! 

From your Blocked List, just click on “unblock” under the profile.

Not as hot as makeup sex, but it’s easier!

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