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More like guidelines and a lot less like definitions.

Sexual Assault

Sexual assault is a serious crime in many jurisdictions worldwide, and rape is often just one of the forms of sexual assault prohibited by law.

If you feel you have been forced to take part in sexual acts against your will or in absence of your explicit consent, you may be a victim of sexual assault.

Sexual assault comes in many different forms:

  • Rape: when the victim is forced to have sexual intercourse with the perpetrator
  • Groping: when the victim was touched sexually without their consent
  • Ignoring safewords: during a scene, if there is an agreed-upon safeword and the dominant ignores it, they are violating the submissive's consent
  • Sexual harassment: when the perpetrator makes unwelcome and inappropriate advances to the victim, sometimes with intimidating overtones.
  • Stalking: when the perpetrator demands the victim's romantic/sexual attention by repeatedly contacting them, following them and invading their privacy (often making them worry about their personal safety).
  • Other violations of consent: for instance, if you agree with your partner on having protected sex and they remove their condom without your knowledge, you are being forced into a risky sexual act you did not consent to.

When is consent not valid?

Consent often has several different factors involved such as being:

  • Enthusiastic: so staying silent does not imply consent! Consenting must be a happy "yes", not a reluctant "maybe".
  • Freely given: so if you were threatened or tricked into saying yes, then consent is not valid. Consent is also not valid when given in an altered state, e.g. when drunk or high.
  • Informed and specific: so the person consenting must be aware of everything they are agreeing to and may agree to some practices but not others (e.g. you can agree to being spanked but not to be penetrated).
  • Reversible: so you must be able to stop the sex activity at any time

While these are general guidelines, there may be some cases of consensual play where not all of them apply at the same time. Here is an example:

If I'm a masochist and I want to try a new painful game with a sadist, I may ask them to start out slow to see how it feels. My consent will be valid even it is not expressed as a screaming "oh yes!!", and the sadist will not be abusing me as long as they are cautious, check on me and ask many times if I want to continue. ~ Koltzi

More information about different types of consent and how it can be negotiated can be found here.

Is it assault if... ?

Every situation is different, and so it's hard to write down a list of every possible type of assault.

During kinky sex, revocable consent is usually the key: if you feel bad during a scene and want to take a break or jump directly to aftercare, you should be able to. If a person is ignoring your discomfort or pressuring you to continue against your will, they may be violating your consent.

If you feel uncomfortable at the thought of a sexual experience you've had, talk about it to the person you had the experience with, or with a third person you trust, like a friend. You can also contact a helpline if you feel like you don't have anyone you can safely talk to about this.


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