Finding Each Other Again - The Art of Co-Regulation at Play Parties September 4 @ Four Play (KitKat)
30 minutes interactive workshop on how to best help each other when the party gets too intense
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Description
KitKat is not exactly a conventional comfort zone. Nudity. Kink. Sex. Loud music. Strangers. Intensity. Questionable footwear.
And yet sometimes you walk in and think: “Oh. Weirdly… I can breathe here.”
Sometimes a place like this feels more like home than the places where we’re technically supposed to feel at home.
But even when we find a new place to belong, we still bring our old nervous systems with us. So what happens when jealousy hits? When a scene leaves you more shaken than expected? When your partner disappears? When you get rejected? When the room suddenly becomes too much? When you were absolutely fine ten minutes ago… and now you’re really not?
My next Four Play workshop is about co-regulation: the small ways we help each other find our feet again.
Not fixing people. Not becoming the pool therapist. Not saying “calm down.” Please never say “calm down”!
We’ll talk about:
• Who are you allowed to need? At what point does “Can you get me some water?” become harder to say than “I’m not okay”?
• How not to make things worse. Panic, pity, judgement, unwanted advice, unwanted touch... sometimes the first rule of helping is simply: don’t add a second problem.
• The Invisible Tent. What can you actually do in the first 30 seconds when somebody is overwhelmed?
• Attunement. A hug can make one person melt and make another want to crawl out through the nearest window. So how do you know what actually helps?
• What kink already understands about intensity. Beforecare. Attention during. Aftercare. If we understand transitions after BDSM, why do we expect people to magically bounce back after jealousy, rejection, emotional exposure, or overwhelm?
And we’ll turn the whole thing around too: What if you’re the person who is always strong? Always useful? Always holding everyone else? Can you let somebody see you before you’ve fixed yourself? Can you ask for the hug? Can you say: “I need five minutes”?
Strength doesn’t have to mean “I never need anybody.”
Sometimes strength means knowing that when you lose your footing for a moment, you don’t necessarily have to find it alone.
See you by the pool. 🖤