OOPS! NOW WHAT? What to Do When Flirting, Sex or Play Goes Wrong November 6 @ Four Play
A 30 minutes interactive workshop on repair, accountability and how conflict can increase intimacy
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Description
You misread someone's signals. A joke lands badly. You push a little too far during play. Your partner does something you hadn't agreed on. A disagreement escalates, and suddenly you're dealing with a situation neither of you expected.
What happens next?
Even when we know a lot about consent, boundaries and communication, handling mistakes can be surprisingly difficult.
We get defensive. We start explaining what we actually meant. Or we become so caught up in guilt and self-judgement that the person we've hurt ends up having to manage our feelings as well as their own.
And sometimes we're genuinely confused, because our experience of what happened is very different from theirs.
In this 30-minute workshop at @fourplayberlin, we'll look at some practical ways to navigate these situations:
- Recognising our reactions: How to catch defensiveness, shame or anger before they take over, and create enough space to respond rather than react.
- Taking responsibility: How to acknowledge someone's experience without pretending we share the same interpretation, and how to examine our intentions, assumptions and the signals we missed.
- Making meaningful repairs: What to say beyond “I'm sorry,” how to address the impact of our actions, and what needs to change afterwards.
- Getting the timing right: When to address something immediately, when to take a break, and how to give someone space without avoiding responsibility.
- Handling the other side: How to tell someone they've hurt us, how to respond to an apology, and how friends or bystanders can help without taking over.
We'll also look at a distinction that matters: Are we trying to repair the harm, or are we trying to get rid of our own discomfort?
An apology doesn't entitle us to forgiveness, and not everything can be repaired. But conflict doesn't always have to mean the end of trust or connection. Sometimes the way we handle a difficult moment tells us more about each other than everything that went smoothly before it.
The workshop includes a simple tool for regulating yourself when emotions run high, along with examples from flirting, sex, BDSM play and the everyday interactions that happen around a club.
📅 Friday, November 6
🕣 20:30–21:00
📍 KitKatClub | Four Play | Pool Area
🎤 Maria | ENM & Relationship Coach
See you by the pool! 💜