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Guidelines & Legalese

FetLife's guidelines, privacy policy, legal info, etc.

Kink Shaming

YKINMKATO: Your kink is Not My Kink And That’s Okay

FetLife is meant to be a welcoming place for all members of the community, no matter their kink.

We take pride in FetLife being a beautifully diverse community where people with all sorts of kinky interests feel comfortable being who they are.

Kink shaming does not have a place on FetLife. Kink shaming does not create a warm and welcoming environment and is not permitted.

What is Kink Shaming?

Kink shaming is the act of shaming someone for a kink or fetish they enjoy, and that’s practiced between consenting adults.

What is in violation of this guideline?

Examples include, but are not limited to:

  • Accusing someone of domestic violence just because they engage in consensual impact play
    • (e.g. commenting on pictures of consensual bruises or marks claiming it’s abuse)
  • Referring to people who participate in consensual Adult Baby Diaper Lover (ABDL), Adult Nursing Relationship (ANR), and/or Ageplay as pedophiles
  • Saying that someone has a mental illness or disorder just because they participate in a specific consensual kink
  • Attacking and referring to someone as an abuser, rapist, or victim just because they engage in Consensual Non-Consent (CNC)
  • Accusing someone of being into bestiality because they are into Pet Play
  • Referring to adults in consensual age-gap relationships as pedophiles

What is not in violation of this guideline?

Examples include:

  • Asking questions about people's kinks
  • Discussing potential issues involving kinks
  • Discussing potential issues involving dynamics
  • Intellectual discussions (e.g., topics in the media)

IMPORTANT: As long as the above are not being used to attack.

How do I report a potential violation of this guideline?

You can report potential Kink Shaming as follows:

  1. Visit the page with the potentially offensive material
  2. Select "...", “more”, or “options”, then select “Report”
  3. Select “Content Not Permitted” or "Other Reason"
  4. Select "Next"
  5. Provide any additional information that can help the person reviewing the report
  6. Select "Report"

For more information, you can refer to Submitting a Report.

Who can report a potential violation of this guideline?

Anyone who comes across content they believe might fall under this guideline.

What happens if someone violates this guideline?

If someone kink shames to directly attack another member, they get an instant one-day timeout.

For each subsequent violation, the person's time-out increases in length, up to a maximum of a two-week timeout.

If someone potentially kink shames on their own profile, their content is locked private.

We do this so that we can drastically limit the reach of the potentially harmful content, while still giving the opportunity for members to be able to make an informed decision on who they engage with.