Say it without saying it.

FetLife is not a dating site, and we don't plan to ever become one. But every day, we get messages from members who've found each other here. It got us thinking: how many connections never happen because someone was too shy, or too afraid, to make the first move?

Crushing On is our small attempt to close that gap.

Here's how it works. When you visit someone's profile, you can privately mark that you have a crush on them. Nothing happens. They don't get notified. Your crush stays completely private.

But if they ever mark you as a crush too, we let both of you know at the same time, and you can start a conversation right from there.

A few things worth saying up front:

• Strictly optional. Crushing On is 100% opt-in. If you don't turn it on, your FetLife experience stays exactly as it is today.
• Not a dating app. This isn't about swiping through strangers. It's about acknowledging a spark with someone you have already discovered within the community.
• Limited on purpose. Most members can crush on one person per week. A crush is meant to be a meaningful gesture, not a numbers game.
• Mutual or nothing. They will never know unless you both have a crush on each other.

How to turn Crushing on or off

1. Go to Settings > Privacy
2. Find the "Crushing On" section
3. Check "Allow others to crush on me" to turn it on, or uncheck it to turn it off

When you turn it off, your current crushes are permanently removed. Any "It's Mutual" notifications you have already received will stay.

How to crush on someone

You can only crush on members who have also turned Crushing On on. On their profile:

1. Open the Following or Friends menu (on desktop, click the arrow next to the Follow button)
2. Select "Got a crush?"
3. Confirm

If you change your mind, you can come back to the same menu and remove your crush at any time.

We hope this helps a few more connections happen that otherwise wouldn't.