What is Crushing On?
Crushing On lets you privately mark that you have a crush on someone. They only find out it's you if they have a crush on you too.
FetLife is not a dating site. Crushing On is a small way to acknowledge a spark with someone you've already discovered in the community, without the pressure of making the first move.
How does it work?
- You mark that you have a crush on someone from their profile.
- They are not told who you are. They only see that one more person has a crush on them.
- If they ever mark you as a crush too, we tell both of you at the same time with an "It's Mutual!" notification, and you can message each other from there.
Who learns what?
- If only you have a crush: the other person never sees your name. They only see how many people have a crush on them.
- If someone has a crush on you: you can see how many people have a crush on you on your Crushes tab, but never who they are.
- If the crush is mutual: you both get an "It's Mutual!" notification, and you each see "It's Mutual!" on the other person's profile and in your Crushes tab.
- Your crushes are never shown on your profile or to anyone else.
Is it optional?
Yes. You can only crush on members who have Crushing On turned on, and only members who have it on can crush on you. See How do I turn Crushing On on or off?
There's also a limit on how many crushes you can make, so each one means something. See How do I crush on someone?