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More like guidelines and a lot less like definitions.


A scene is a session of BDSM or Kink activities usually negotiated with a partner in advance where as 'the scene' is often a term used to refer to the BDSM or Kink community / lifestyle as a whole.

Scene Categories: A scene typically falls into two categories:

  • Public Scene: done in a consenting public area, like a dungeon, playhouse, or at a play party.
  • Private Scene: done in a private area with only those involved in the scene (and possibly with consenting spectators).

Recommended Negotiations:

  • Limits - Both soft and hard limits. What you are eager to do; what you are willing to try; what you will never do.
  • Safewords - This may be a specified word or phrase, or it may be a "safeword system" such as a pain number scale, or the red-light system.
  • Health - Discuss preexisting health conditions, including ones that might not seem important like allergies or low blood sugar tendencies. Also, daily health, like headaches, and body aches. Also current mental health states like anxiety or nervousness.
  • Expectations - What you expect to happen, and what you don't want to happen within the context of the scene.
  • Wants & Needs - What you want to get from the scene, and what you need to get from the scene (physically, emotionally, etc.)
  • Kinks - What will be (or might be) included in the scene. This may include discussion of toys, implements, furniture, and/or activities.
  • Sexual Contact - Whether sexual contact will be part of the scene or not. Acceptable levels of nudity and who controls it. If play can include genital areas or not (for example, impact play or wax play on the genitalia). Sexual intercourse, and corresponding safety precautions.
  • Dates - Both arrival at and departure from the scenario.
  • Locations - Not only where the scene will take place, but also potential prior meet-ups; especially when negotiating with a stranger for a private scene.
  • Time - A minimum and maximum duration for the scene.

Additional Recommendations:

  • Safe Call - A person to whom you give the information about your upcoming scene. Include who you are meeting, where you are going, what time it is happening, and when you should be back.
  • First Aid Kit - From bandaids and ointments for impact play and knife play, to EMT scissors for bondage play and breath play.
  • Snacks & Water - Stay hydrated and keep that blood-pressure regulated. Do not scene on a full stomach.
  • Hygiene - Make sure you are clean before the scene. This includes everything being free from offending body odor to ensuring no dirt or bacteria might cause an infection to being tested for STIs and other infectious diseases. Also, consider the negotiated scene. If engaging in fire play, make sure no lotions, perfumes, hair spray, or any other flammable products are on the body before the scene.
  • Escape Plan - Always leave a way of escape, or have a 3rd person (a "Spotter") on hand who can release the restrained person in case the Dom becomes incapacitated (faint / seizure / other).

Always always always vet your scene partner thoroughly before agreeing to do a scene. Be safe, protect yourself, negotiate, set up a safe call, and have fun! Additional information about scenes can be found in the Scene Safety section.

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