Autism

Autism is a neurological condition that impacts sensory processing and social interaction. Every autistic individual is different, and the spectrum varies so much in every aspect that there's no two cases exactly alike.

Autism & Kink

A lot of autistic adults tend to take refuge within the kink community. This can be because of the fact that there are expectations of clear rules and boundaries between partners when discussing negotiations, or because they have the power to be in complete control of a scene (particularly true if the autistic person in question also has pathological demand avoidance.)

Some autistics are sensory seekers and love the different feelings and sensations of tools used upon them by the other person leading the scene (a romantic partner, play partner, Dominatrix, or Dominant for example.) Unbeknownst to most Aut-Skeptic neurotypicals, Autistic people actually make good and natural submissives!

Negotiating Consent With Someone with Autism

If you find yourself to be in negotiations with an autistic person, make sure to be extra clear with them in your communication. Here are a few tips:

• Don't use any unnecessary jargon
• Be prepared to answer any and all questions
• Explain acronyms they might not know or understand (such as RACK, for example)
• Set a plan in stone for if things go wrong (like if they use their safe word, for example)
• Autistic people can be very literal. Be sure to ask questions directly and clearly, rather making a statement. For example, rather than saying "Some people really like being tied up" in an effort to gauge their interest, ask "Do you like being tied up?" This ensures you get a clear and direct answer.

If you want to ask them something and get a yes or no. Don't ask it like a statement. Blah blah blah some people like to do that. You have to ask it like a question if you want their answer, blah blah blah do you think you would like to do that? If you don't they tend to think you are just making conversation or educating them.

Other Tips for Taking Care of an Autistic Partner

All autistic people within the kink community will have completely different needs from one another. One autistic might love the feeling of being held or hugged tightly and caressed, whereas another might be touch repulsed and/or need alone time after their scene as part of aftercare.

Make sure to adjust the surroundings for the autistic to accommodate for sensory differences. This can help to not only level the playing field, but can also help bring them into headspace quicker. It's also important to tailor the aftercare to the autistic person's specific sensory and emotional needs. Preparing for this in advance will massively reduce the risk of sensory overload, shutdown, or meltdown.

You also need to be mindful of the fact that some autistics will have co-morbid mental health conditions, such as complex PTSD, OCD, or depression so just check in with the autistic in question to make sure that any triggers for their mental health are known to you and adjusted for accordingly.

Autism & Sex

Many allistic (non-neurodivergent) people seem to assume that autistic folks do not have sex, or have no ability to consent because they're in the mind of a child. This is entirely untrue. Autistic adults are fully adults and plenty enjoy sex. They just don't always act or verbalize the same way. Please be patient.

Autism & Relationships

Most autistics find themselves in relationships without realizing it as they may be less aware for a shift from friendship to romance. Be patient, as they take more time to process things and listen to their bodies. Avoid assumptions in favor of clear communication.

Autism & Identity

Autism can be seen as an inseparable part of a person, one that influences their personality and identity.

Some autistic people embrace the label autigender to express that their gender identity (usually something other than cisgender) is related to their autism.

Discussions of autistic special interests (deep, long-term passions for certain subjects) clarify why kink can be identity-forming and socially meaningful — special interests “serve as an integral part of an autistic person’s life.”