Meeting for the First Time
Meeting a person (or couple) from a kink website can be risky. To reduce that risk, most people follow some or all of the following steps:
- Learn more about that person in the community. If the person you are meeting with is active in the local kink community, it is common practice to do some vetting with people that know them. This is not foolproof, as bad actors do not act badly with all people they encounter, but it can give you some information. If the person is not active in the local kink community, ask why. They may have legitimate reasons, or they may have been banned from some events. Someone being banned is not necessarily a reason to not meet, but it is a reason to dig deeper into why that happened.
- Meet for the first time in a public location, like a coffee shop, or at an event such as a munch. Agree ahead of time that the initial meetup will only be for conversation, not any type of kink play.
- Set up a safe call. This allows you to check in with someone you trust during the meeting, and gives you the opportunity to ask for help if something feels off.
- Research the person online. Reverse image searching a person's profile photos can reveal whether images are taken from elsewhere. A brief video call before meeting is a low-effort way to confirm someone is who they say they are and also gives a sense of how they communicate in real time.
- Limit how much personal information you share. Consider withholding your full name, home address, workplace, and daily routine until you feel confident in the person. Using a kink-specific pseudonym and a separate email address early in contact is also common practice.
- Arrange your own transport to and from the meeting. Arriving and leaving independently means you are never dependent on the other person for your ability to leave. It also means you don't have to reveal where you live or where you are going afterwards.
- Trust your instincts. It is entirely valid to cancel before the meeting or leave during it if something feels wrong. A person who responds poorly to a polite exit is themselves a red flag.
- Check in with someone after the meeting. Let them know you are safe and share your impressions of how the meeting went. This also helps build a record of your activity with new contacts in case it becomes relevant later.
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